I remember (the love of my life)
by LaserFocus
Summary: They met when they where eight, fell in love in their teens, got married and had children. This is how Jason remembers the love of his life.


**A/N: ** SEAL Team week is finally here! Day 1 was Jason or Romance/Pairing and I decided to use both of them.

Major props to Lauren2381 for Beta-ing this ish.

* * *

_I remember the day we met…_

Jason gulped as he looked from the rope swing to the water below. He wasn't scared. He really wasn't. He just… really didn't want to swing in to the dark lake.

"Come on and jump already, Jay!" a voice said behind him and Jason swore to himself. Sometimes he hated his best friend Jon and his stupid ideas. They weren't even supposed to be at the lake without an adult because, well, who lets a group of 8 year olds hang out alone at the lake?

"Jump! Jump! Jump!"

Jason scowled as all of his friends joined Jon in his cheer. There was no way out now. Unless he wanted to be ridiculed for the rest of his life for chickening out on a little swing in to the lake, he had to grab the rope and… do the thing.

Blowing out a shaky breath, Jason reached out and took hold of the rope, wrapped both hands around it and took a few steps back so that he could build some momentum.

"Just do it, Jay!" Jon shouted so Jason shut his eyes and then ran until he no longer had any ground under his two feet and was soaring in the air.

As he let go of the rope and started to fall his eyes flew up in panic. What did he just do? Why did he let go? He could've just followed the rope back to the cliff!

Hitting the water hurt. Not only was it colder than he expected but he hit it on his back and it felt as if he was being poked by a 1000 needles.

Kicking and flailing he reached the surface and as his head came out water he desperately tried to take in some air only… he couldn't breathe. By the time he actually managed to pull air back into his lungs he was exhausted and then he was back under the surface, back in the dark water.

'This is how I die.' flashed through his head and the panic inside had him paralyzed. 'I don't want to die!' followed next and then – a set of arms wrapped around him and started to drag him further down. Or was it up?

He fought against the hold for a moment, but as the water got brighter he stopped thrashing and let himself be guided back up to the surface.

With his head back above water he panted for air and all that mattered was just that – the ability to breathe. Next thing he knows he's being dragged up the shore and a girl with big blue eyes is looking down on him worriedly.

"Are you ok?" she asked softly, scanning his face for an answer.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Jason answered, still panting as he tried to get his breathing under control. "Thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome."

With his breathing somewhat more normal, Jason sat up, making the girl lean back so that their heads didn't get knocked together.

"I'm Jason." he said, holding his hand out to his rescuer. His momma had raised him right and he knew that being polite with a girl, especially one that had just saved his life, was important.

"I'm Alana." she answered with a smile as she accepted his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

* * *

_I remember when you said I love you…_

"Whose truck is this?" Alana asked as she climbed into the red pickup Jason had pulled up in.

"Uncle Dan's." Jason answered as he pulled her in with one arm so that he could kiss her hello.

Alana smiled into the kiss and was a bit disappointed when Jason stopped it so that he could pull the car out of the driveway and head down the road.

"Where are we going?" she asked, her smile returning as Jason grabbed hold of her hand and entwined their fingers. They'd been friends for more than 7 years but this part? The boyfriend/girlfriend thing? It was still new enough to give her butterflies even from small things like holding hands.

"The field." Jason said with a wink and there was no mistaking the small smirk on his face.

"The field, huh? You have big plans or what?"

"My big plans just involves some alone time with you."

Jason's word had her smiling all the way to the field. The field was really just the land of an old abandoned house, but it had become one of their favorite places to go when they just wanted some alone time – without any family or friends interfering.

As Jason parked and turned the car off Alana turned in her seat to face him, only to be pulled across the bench seat and onto his lap.

Throwing one of her legs across his thighs so that she was straddling him, she sat back and grinned at him.

"Well, hello there."

"Hey back." Jason replied, before leaning in to kiss her softly.

As Alana sighed into the kiss, Jason moved one of his hands to the base of her skull and curled his fingers into her long blond hair before moving his other hand to the small of her back. Using them as leverage he pulled her in as close as he possibly could.

The soft kisses they traded back and forth wasn't what he was after though and as he opened his mouth to deepen it, the soft kiss became passionate in a flash. The two of them together were like a can of gasoline and a lit match together; instant combustion.

By the time they pulled back, the need to breathe imperative, they were both panting and their clothes were more than a little skewed and ruffled.

Smiling at the man beneath her, Alana gently grasped Jason's face between her hands and leaned her forehead against his. She'd been holding back on telling him how much she liked him since the day he finally asked her out but now the words were on the tip of her tongue, just begging to come out.

"Ididn'tknowhoworwhentotellyouthisbutIloveyou." she said without breathing or pausing, just putting it out there in a long stream of words thrown together.

Jason stared at her for a moment, almost as if he was trying to decipher what she had actually said before a soft smile settled in his lips.

"I love you too, Alana."

* * *

_I remember when you said yes…_

Jason sighed as he looked out over the city, sitting on a blanket at the plateau with Alana leaning back against him.

He was leaving for boot camp tomorrow. 8 weeks with more than 500 miles separating him from everything he knew and loved. His home. His parents. His friends. His… Alana.

The two of them had been dating for 3 years now and she was truly the light of his life, his guiding star, and his most loyal supporter. They'd never gone longer than a week without seeing each other since that day at the lake when they were 8 and they'd been attached at the hip since they finally became boyfriend and girlfriend at 15. And now he was leaving for a yet undetermined period of time.

"What's on your mind, Jace?" Alana asked, tilting her head so that she could see his eyes.

Jason shook his head. "Nothing." he said before continuing. "Everything."

Pressing a soft kiss to her hair he looked back at the city skyline and when Alana followed suit he let his right hand drift down from her waist to his pocket. The feeling of the box inside it made him smirk. He'd been thinking about this for some time now and while he had thought about waiting until after boot camp and school, he knew that he didn't want to leave here without her having his ring on her finger, showing everyone who she belonged to.

After pulling the box out of his pocket as inconspicuously as he could, Jason cleared his throat, pulling Alana's attention from the view back to him.

"What?" she asked tilting her head.

"You know, when I first met you, all long blond hair and blue eyes I thought you were an angel. I quickly learned that you weren't, but you have been everything else. A light in the dark. A star in the sky. My friend, my cheerleader, my hope and my life. I don't know where I would be without you and there is no me without you at this point." Jason said, looking down at the beautiful woman in his lap who's eyes were starting to tear up from his words.

Taking a deep breath he took her left hand in his, stroking her ring finger slowly and a smile crossed his lips as her eyes widened at the implication.

"I don't want there to ever be a me without you, 'Lana so…" he continued before presenting her with the box, now open to display the ring that he had saved up to for months.

"Will you marry me?"

Alana's hands flew up to her mouth and while she incapable to speak she nodded her head vigorously.

"You have to actually say the word, baby." Jason said as he removed the ring from the box and held it next to her left hand.

"YES! Of course I'll marry you, silly." Alana answered and after the ring was placed firmly on her finger she turned around and threw her arms around Jason's neck. She was going to be Mrs. Jason Hayes. Not today, not next week or even this year – but soon she was going to marry the love of her life.

* * *

_I remember how you looked walking down the aisle…_

"Would you stop that?"

Jason glanced over his shoulder at his best man (and friend) Jon and was met by a glare.

"What?" Jason whispered, still trying to adjust his tie so that it was just so.

"Stop fucking fidgeting." Jon hissed under his breath.

Jason opened his mouth to refute that but in that moment the organ started playing and from that moment all his clothing worries disappeared.

The church doors opened and the 4 pairs of bridesmaids and groomsmen, followed by Alana's maid of honor Marie, started their walk down to the altar. He hadn't really been involved in any of the planning for this event, he hadn't actually been here for most of it either, but the church was decorated in shades of blue and the bridesmaids were all in navy blue dresses.

Jason nodded at his friends as they joined him and Jon at the altar before his gaze moved back down the aisle to where Alana's two youngest cousins where making their way down towards him, the boy holding a pillow with the rings while the little girl, dressed in a pure white dress, was throwing flower petals around them with a huge grin on her face.

When they arrived at the altar Jason grinned at them and gave them a wink as Alana's mom, his soon-to-be mother-in-law, grabbed the children's hands and had them join her in the front pew.

As Jason's eyes followed the kid and Grace to their places the music changed, making Jason's head snap back to the church doors which had closed as the kids had entered.

The doors opened slowly this time and the moment Alana stepped in through them on the arm of her dad, Jason felt the pricking of tears in his eyes. Biting down on his bottom lip he forced them back as he kept his eyes on his bride as she gracefully made her way down the aisle, holding on to a bouquet of white roses.

Her blonde hair was pulled back from her hair in a half-up-half-down style with a veil framing her and then the dress... The white dress made her look like the angel she was to him as it flowed behind her and accentuated her slim build. He couldn't take his eyes off her and when they reached the step up to the altar Jon had to give Jason a little shove to make him move down to greet his bride and soon-to-be father-in-law.

Robert shook Jason's hand before handing Alana's hand over but Jason's eyes never left Alana's. As Robert moved away to sit down next to his wife, Jason helped Alana up to their place at the altar before taking both of her hands in his.

"You look amazing." he whispered to her before lifting one of her hands and gave it a kiss. "I can't believe my very own guardian angel agreed to marry me."

* * *

_I remember when you told me you were pregnant…_

Deployment sucked. Especially when all you wanted was to be at home with your wife to celebrate her birthday and not in the desert of some country in the middle of nowhere.

Glancing around the barrack, empty except for him, Jason sighed. Sharing bunk beds with his teammates instead of a California king with his wife was depressing. He loved what he did, there was nothing else he wanted to do with his life – he was a SEAL through and through – but deployments like this one? They sucked and they were only in the second month of a 6 month tour. 2 down, 4 to go.

Suddenly the door to the barrack was thrown open and Lieutenant Clark stuck his head in.

"Jay, phone's free if you wanted to take your turn."

Jason jumped down from his bunk before the man had finished his sentence and his laughter followed Jason over to the phone location. He didn't care though; he was finally going to talk to his wife after missing the last 3 times they were supposed to talk because of different ops.

As the phone rang he paced back and forth in the small room that functioned as their contact hub with their families back home.

"Hello?" Jason frowned at the tiredness he could hear in Alana's voice at just that word.

"Hey, baby."

"Jace!" Alana burst out, sounding less tired by the second. "I was so sure you wouldn't be able to call today either."

"I wasn't sure either but we got back a few hours ago and there was no way I was missing it this time." he told her as he finally sat down on top of a desk. "How are you? How's work going?"

There was a moment of silence on the line and Jason frowned. "'Lana?"

"Yeah, I'm here. It's just… I haven't been at work for a while."

"What? Why? Are you hurt? Sick?" Jason rushed out, once more getting to his feet. He knew that there was no way he was getting back home to do anything to help her but pacing felt better than sitting still.

"No, not really. God, this is so not how I wanted to tell you…" she mumbled.

"Tell me what, baby? Whatever it is, I swear I'll fix it. Just tell me what's wrong."

Alana's soft laugh in response to his words made his stiff shoulders relax a little but he was still on edge.

"What's so funny?"

"There's nothing wrong and it's really nothing that you can fix, Jace." she said gently.

"Then what is it?" Jason asked as he started to move back towards the desk.

"I'm pregnant Jason. We're gonna have a baby."

Jason stopped dead as if he'd walked straight into a wall. They were what?!

* * *

_I remember January 7th…_

Jason was watching the clock more than he was paying attention to the lieutenant's talk about their upcoming exercises, planned missions, next deployment and… DEVGRU?

"…and if you're interested I need your application before the end of next week."

Sitting up in his chair Jason glanced at his teammates. He loved his platoon, had spent the past 5 years working, sweating, eating and fighting next to most of them, but his goal had always been to make DEVGRU. He hadn't really thought much of it in the last few years since he'd needed to put in his time and do it well here first but he'd finally reached that magic number and could apply for Green Team selection.

As Lieutenant Clark finished up and told them all too head on home, Jason made his way over to the application forms lying at the head of the table.

"I thought you'd jump on that."

Jason grinned at Clark as he gathered the papers together.

"I've been waiting for this moment to arrive."

"I know. And I think you'd be an excellent choice for them. Fill that out and get it back to me asap."

"I will. Thank you Lieutenant."

Jason grinned as he walked out of the room only to lose it when he remembered why he had been watching the clock and counting down the minutes. He needed to get his ass home!

Alana was 40 weeks pregnant, meaning that their baby could be born any time now, and Jason hadn't been happy when he'd had to leave for work since Alana was once again experiencing Braxton Hicks. He'd wanted nothing more than to stay home with her but Alana had insisted that she would be fine and if something happened both of their mothers were in town at the moment, eagerly awaiting the birth of their first grandchild.

Pulling his cell phone out and turning it back on, Jason felt his heart rate skyrocket as the screen showed: 1 New Voicemail.

Calling the number he pressed his phone to his ear as he hurried towards the parking lot.

"Jason, this is mom. Grace and I are taking Alana to the hospital – her water broke. Please call my cell or just come to the hospital the moment you hear this. You're gonna be a dad. Today. Love you sweetheart."

Bursting in through the doors to the maternity ward, Jason headed straight for the reception desk.

"I'm looking for my wife."

The nurse behind the desk looked up at him with a knowing smile.

"What's her name?" she asked, fingers hovering over the keyboard.

"Alana. Hayes. Alana Hayes."

The nurse started typing but before she could finish he caught sight of his mom at the of the hallway.

"Never mind, I see my mother over there. Thank you anyway." he said to the nurse who just nodded her head and returned back to her paperwork with smile.

"Mom!" Jason called out as he hurried down towards her.

"Jason!" Linda said when her eyes located him. "Oh, honey, congratulations." she continued, throwing her arms around him when he stopped next to her.

"Congratulations?" he asked slowly, dread filling his stomach. "I missed it?"

Linda pulled back from her hug with an apologetic look on her face.

"Yes, unfortunately you're about half an hour too later, sweetheart."

Jason swallowed back against the lump in his throat. "Are they ok?" he asked, knowing that there was nothing he could do about missing the birth but if they weren't both ok…

"Oh yes, they're both just fine. And I'm sure Alana wants you to meet your child so why don't you go on in there." Linda said, nodding her head towards the door in front of them.

He looked from his mom to the door and back again. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Why don't you go inside and find out?"

Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, Jason nodded and pushed the door to the hospital room open.

Stepping inside he was met by a smiling Grace who was heading towards the door he had just stepped in to.

"Congratulations, dad." she said, squeezing his arm as she passed him.

When the door closed behind her Jason looked towards the bed where Alana was resting with a blanket wrapped bundle in her arms.

"Hey…" he said in a low voice, not sure if she was away or not as her eyes were closed.

Alana's eyes flew up at the sound of his voice and a smile appeared on her lips.

"Hi!"

They just looked at each other for a moment before Alana held her hand out towards him.

"Come here, babe. Come meet our daughter."

Jason swallowed hard again. Daughter. He had a daughter.

* * *

_I remember when you showed me Emma's drawing…_

Jason groaned as he pulled his bag out of the back of his truck. Their latest mission had been a mix of bad intel, faulty com's and weird decisions and he was feeling it. Fighting with their HVT had given him multiple bruises and a cut on his chin but at least they all got home more or less unscathed.

Opening the front door to the house they'd bought when Emma was two, Jason was surprised at the calm and quiet that greeted him. Glancing down at his clock he realized why; it was just about 8.30pm which meant bedtime for his princess.

Closing the door, tossing his keys in the bowl and putting his bag in the laundry room, Jason grabbed a beer from the fridge and settled down on the couch. He looked at the TV remote but decided against turning the screen on and instead leaned his head back.

Rubbing his eyes with on hand he took a swig of beer as he mentally went though the mission. He was still running through things when the seat next to him dipped and the beer bottle in his hand was replaced by a folded piece of paper.

Opening his eyes he turned his head to the left to meet Alana's eyes.

"Hi baby." he said, leaning over to give her a soft kiss.

"Hey back. You look exhausted. Everything ok?" she asked gently, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah. The mission was completed and we all made it back safe and sound. That's what counts, right?"

"Always."

"What's this?" he asked after a moment waving the folded paper she'd placed in his hand.

A sneaky smile spread on her face.

"Why don't you open and find out?"

Jason eyed his wife for a moment before unfolding the paper which contained… a drawing. An Emma drawing to be precise.

"Did Emma make this?" he asked, looking at the three stick figures that he assumed was Emma herself, Alana and him.

"She did. And she said it was very important that you looked at it when you came home because she's bad at secrets."

"What does that mean?" Jason asked, confused as to what Alana was getting at.

"Look at it again, Jace. Closely."

Turning back to the paper Jason examined it closer. The Emma figure was in turquoise, naturally since Emma loved turquoise at the moment, with long yellow hair. His own figure, drawn in green with brown hair, was in the middle and was twice the size of the Emma figure. And Alana was in purple with yellow hair and… a circle in the middle?

Jason frowned. What did that even mean? When he looked back at Alana he found her grinning at him.

"Figured it out yet?"

"No…"

Alana rolled her eyes at him before walking over to the bookcase where she retrieved something from one of the shelves.

Sitting back down, she handed a white stick over to him. He knew what it was, he'd seen them before but for a short while it didn't compute. Looking from the stick to the drawing and back again Jason's eyes widened.

"You're pregnant?" he asked, looking from the stick to Alana.

"I am. We're having another baby. Emma is gonna be a big sister."

* * *

_I remember November 9th…_

"Bravo 3 this is Bravo 1, collapse your position, join Bravo 4 and head on over to our location. HVT is secure, let's go home."

"Copy that, heading your way." Jason answered before he packed up his gear and joined Ray at the staircase.

"You good?" he asked his best friend who just smiled at him.

"Good as can be, brother. Let's get out of this dump." Ray said and started down the stairs to join the rest of their team.

"Hell yeah. Let's go home." Jason answered and followed after the younger man.

Half an hour later the team boarded their plane, shoving their HVT at their support team and Jason joined Ray as he headed towards the front of the plane and started to de-jack. There were few things as great as changing in to your street clothes after 2 days in full gear.

"Jay, do you have a second?" Adam called out just as Jason pulled his tee over his head.

Jason glanced over at Ray who shrugged so he nodded and walked over to their team leader who was standing with their lieutenant commander, Harrington.

"What's up?" he asked, looking from Adam to Harrington.

Harrington sighed. "We got a call last night from back home. Alana was taken to the hospital with contractions. You're now the father of a brand new baby boy."

Jason stared at him. "What? No, Alana isn't due for another 3 weeks." he said, shaking his head.

"I don't know what to tell you, Jason, but according to Naima, you're now a father of two."

"But… It's too soon."

Adam put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze.

"Breathe Jay. Both Alana and the baby's fine. He's 6 pounds 6 ounces and 19.4 inches. That's not bad."

Jason nodded slowly before taking a deep breath.

"Yeah… yeah." he muttered before his head snapped to their lieutenant commander again.

"Emma! What about Emma? Both Alana's and mine parents are in Philly and…"

"Your daughter is just fine, Jason. She spent the night with Victoria and Hannah and when Victoria went to the hospital to be with Alana for the birth, Molly took Emma and Hannah. Everything is fine back home, ok?" Harrington said calmly.

"Ok… ok." Jason nodded.

"Good. Now go get changed and we'll get this bird in the air so that you can get home to meet your son."

"Auntie Molly said it was a boy, daddy. I wanted a sister…"

Jason smiled down at Emma as the two of them made their way into the hospital. A part of him had wanted to head directly to the hospital when the plane landed but he also wanted to see his daughter and he knew she had been looking forward to meeting her baby sister or brother for months so he'd headed over to the Massey's to pick her up.

"Aunt Molly was right, Em. You have a baby brother."

Emma scowled for a moment, which had Jason biting back a grin.

"Why don't you want a brother, baby girl?"

"Because you'll love him more than me." she answered with a pout as tears shimmered in her big blue eyes.

Jason stopped in the middle of the hallway and knelt down so that they were eye-to-eye.

"Where on earth did you get that from?" he asked as he took both of her hands in one of his and wiped away her tears with the other.

"Tim at school said that all dad's love boys more than girls."

"That is absolutely not true, Emma. I will not love him any more or any less than I love you. You are my baby girl and that will never change, ok?" Jason said, looking her straight in the eyes.

"Promise?" Emma whispered as her lower lip wobbled.

"I promise." he said and then he lifted her up into his arms as he stood up again. She was really getting way too big for this, she was almost 7 after all but she was still small for her age and as long as it was possible, and she would let him, Jason would always be willing to carry her.

"Now, let's go see mommy and your brother, ok?"

Jason let Emma knock on the door before they entered the hospital room.

"Enter." Alana called out, making them both smile.

Putting Emma back down on her own two feet, Jason then pushed the door open and as they both entered the room Jason couldn't take his eyes off his wife.

Sitting up in bed, she looked nothing like she'd just had a baby and her smile when she looked at them was radiant.

"Hey, bunny! Come here!" Alana said, holding her arms out to Emma who immediately ran over to her mother and climbed up next to her on the bed.

"Jace? You gonna stand there?" she then asked as Jason stood still just inside the door, looking at the loves of his life.

"Maybe?" he said with a wink, before making his way over to his girls.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. Again." he muttered into Alana's hair as he kissed the top of her head.

"Neither of us thought he would come for another few weeks, Jason. Don't be sorry. I'm just happy you're home and that all four of us are together."

He nodded and glanced at the plastic bassinet next to the bed.

"Can I?" he asked.

"Of course, silly. He's yours too."

Smiling at his wife he placed a small kiss on her lips before rounding the bed so that he could pick up his son.

"Well hey there little man." he whispered down at the little face all wrapped up in a blue blanket. "Aren't you handsome." he continued, swaying gently as he took in his son's features.

"What are we gonna call him? Have you decided?" He asked, turning his eyes back to Alana.

"Between Henry and Michael? No. Which do you think fit him best?"

Jason glanced down at his son again before he walked over to the bed and sat down next to Alana with the baby still in his arms.

"Both could work…"

"I know, that's why I haven't chosen." Alana said with a chuckle.

"What do you think, Em?" Jason asked, looking over at their daughter who was spellbound by the baby in his arms.

"Mickey Mouse!" she said with a grin, eyes still focused on her brother.

Jason looked at Alana who tried to stifle a laugh.

"I don't think so Bunny. But what do you say about Mikey? It's almost like Mickey?"

Emma thought about it for a second before she shrugged her shoulder.

"Ok."

Jason grinned at his girls before kissing the both on their foreheads.

"Michael it is then." he said and then he looked back at the sleeping boy in his arms, his son.

* * *

_I remember the day I lost you…_

It was quiet. Way too quiet.

Jason looked around the bedroom and all he saw was Alana. He hadn't slept in here since… he didn't even remember. This was no longer their room. It was Alana's. Or were.

The lump in his throat appeared again and his eyes burned with tears. She was no longer alive. He would never see her smile or laugh ever again. She wasn't just gone from his life, she was gone from this life. He didn't have a wife anymore. Not even a soon-to-be-ex. wife. Emma and Mikey's one constant was no longer with them. She was gone.

Turning on his heel Jason walked out of the room, closed the door behind him and headed in to the living room. Sitting down on the couch he stared at the big framed picture from their wedding day that was hanging on the wall and the tears he'd fought to hold back could no longer be contained.

The love of his life was dead.


End file.
